Month: January 2022

When we feel stuck or out of our depth, it’s a natural instinct to seek the wisdom of others who may have experience that we don’t have. And in some instances, this can be incredibly helpful.

Yet, for many, the tendency is to only seek external advice because they don’t trust or believe they have their own wisdom to guide them. This couldn’t be further from the truth. All of us may need a helping hand from time to time, yet there is no one who knows the inner workings of your mind and body better than you.

Here are four tips that will help you foster a deeper connection with your own inner wisdom.

1. Seek quiet solitude

The voice inside you that guides you is not always loud, in fact it’s often very quiet. So you will usually need to get quiet yourself to hear it. This means learning to turn the volume down on the other voices that vie for attention in your head as well as finding some quiet solitude where you are not meeting the demands of others. One of the best ways to get quiet is through meditation. This can be a more traditional practice or anything that helps to bring focus and stillness into your mind such as a peaceful walk in nature, knitting, drawing, journaling or gardening. Find a sliver of quiet solitude in your schedule as often as you can and notice how you begin to attune to your inner wisdom more regularly.

2. Journal

Too often we go around in circles because our head is so overcrowded with thoughts and worries and other people’s opinions. Journaling is a wonderful tool for helping you to get the stuff that crowds your head onto paper. It can be a fantastic act of self-reflection to bring to light patterns that you may otherwise not notice and it will help you to better connect with your own truth as you begin to lighten your load.

3. Pause and reflect

Often we feel the pressure to make a decision as quickly as possible. Maybe because there are other people who we feel are relying on us or maybe because the indecision makes us feel uncomfortable and no one likes sitting in discomfort. Sometimes your inner wisdom will push through forcefully and you’ll know in your heart which way to go instantly. Other times you will benefit from pausing and leaving some time for reflection before deciding. This will give you the opportunity to discern your inner wisdom from any other voices that cloud it.

4. Consider your nourishment

It’s very hard to know what works and doesn’t work for your body when you are eating predominantly processed foods. Low on nourishment and high on potentially problematic substances, over time a reliance on these foods will begin to take a toll on the body. Yet you may not realise what the problem is because symptoms creep up over time and it may be difficult to put your finger on the source. There is nothing on this planet that can replace a nourishing way of eating. Troubling or niggling symptoms of any kind are your body’s wisdom telling you that something needs to change. While sometimes you may need to go hunting to find the source, one of the best changes you can make to support yourself is to increase your intake of whole real foods and decrease your intake of processed foods. When you do this, you will clear the way for your body to communicate more effectively with you and guide you towards what works and what doesn’t work for you.  

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Learning to trust your inner wisdom is something that takes time—and to a certain degree some trial and error. As you begin to lean into it, be patient and gentle with yourself and recognise that just like training the body for improved fitness and strength takes time and practice, tuning in to your inner wisdom can too.

Many of us are taught that any ‘negative’ feeling is wrong. We aren’t taught this with actual words, but through observing how other people deal with these emotions when they come up, or how we ourselves are handled when these emotions come up for us. It happens when we’re feeling sad and a parent, with the best of intentions, offers us ice cream to make us feel better. Or when we get angry and our emotional outburst results in us getting disciplined. Or in later years when we break up with someone we love, and our friends tell us there’s plenty more fish in the sea.

Yet, emotions are a part of human existence. Sure, we may all feel things in different ways and to varying capacities, but we do all experience a full spectrum of emotions. When you don’t know how to sit with uncomfortable emotions, you are more likely to avoid them by numbing out with food, alcohol or other drugs, medications, brief sexual encounters or perhaps creating drama or stresses to focus on, to divert your attention and focus away from what you are feeling.

It may seem like letting yourself experience the full force of strong emotions will make you feel worse or perhaps add to your stress but in fact the opposite is true. Often we create more pain and heartache for ourselves when we engage in avoiding behaviours since we usually know in our heart that these things aren’t good for us and pile guilt and shame onto our emotional load. There is an immense freedom that comes with being brutally honest with ourselves about how we are feeling and acknowledging when there is sadness, grief, heartbreak, anger or rage. It’s also incredibly beneficial for deepening your self-awareness as recognising when things evoke your emotions enables you to reflect on who you are in your heart.

Here are a few tips to help you along the way.

“Name it to tame it”

In his book Mindsight, the wonderful Dr Daniel Siegel uses the phrase “name it to tame it”. In other words, by identifying our feelings—and separating ourselves from them (i.e. ‘I feel angry’ versus ‘I am angry’)—we reduce the power they have over us. The vast majority of people would describe themselves as stressed. I would argue that stress has become an acceptable umbrella term for all kinds of uncomfortable emotions. Yet, until you know what it is, you are powerless to change it.

Remind yourself that emotions come and go

Emotions are like the waves of the ocean—they ebb and flow. You are like the seabed that the waves wash over—ever present and enduring. Whatever the strong emotion is, it is transient. You will not feel it forever. Reminding yourself of this can make facing it that little less frightening.

Leave judgement at the door

When it comes to what you feel, there is no right or wrong so please try to keep your inner judge quiet when you reflect on your emotions. Instead, invite curiosity and ask yourself: I wonder what might be driving that feeling?

Recognise that the ‘why’ might come later

While in some circumstances, it might be blatantly obvious what has triggered your strong emotional response, in others, the reason may be more elusive. Just because you can’t put your finger on the reason doesn’t mean your feelings are any less valid. It may take days, months or even years for you to fully comprehend the ‘why’.

From pain we grow

Pain can offer us insight into what our Soul needs us to learn and can help form a solid foundation for a meaningful life. It can be worth doing our best to consider if we are living with the belief that what occurs TO us, or rather it happens FOR us—in order for us to be the most evolved expression of ourselves as possible.