Month: October 2022

When we get irritated, we tend to look externally for answers. We blame our particularly challenging day, the extra hour we spent stuck in traffic or our partner or children leaving their belongings all over the floor for us to pick up. Yet, the truth is, if it were these things that were irritating, everyone would react exactly the same way and that is just not the case. We are all irritated by different things and have an individual level of tolerance before irritation kicks in. This is, in part, due to our natural temperament, yet there are biochemical, emotional and nutritional factors that may influence it.

If you’re finding yourself snapping at loved ones more often than usual or have noticed your patience is wearing thinner than it used to, here are five things that may be playing a part.

1. Sex Hormonal Imbalance

If your crabbiness coincides with the lead up to your period, your sex hormone balance could be the culprit. Irritability is a well-known symptom associated with our menstrual cycle. It can follow us into our perimenopausal and menopausal years too as low progesterone levels (which are common across all life stages once menstruation has commenced) are often at the heart of it. Sex hormone imbalances are usually fairly easy to rectify through nutritional and lifestyle changes alone.

If you suspect your sex hormones may be out of balance (and if you regularly experience menstrual or menopausal symptoms that’s an indication they are), start by reflecting on your stress levels. If you identify as ‘stressed’ or ‘anxious’ adopt lifestyle changes that help to support your nervous system. This may look like making more space in your schedule for rest or relaxation time, saving your perception of pressure and urgency for when you really need it, considering whether your meaning maker is running rampant or adding in a daily breathwork or meditation practice. Some women may also benefit from additional medicinal herbal support while others will need to significantly reduce stress levels before they will see any results. 

2. A Sluggish Liver

An overwhelmed liver is generally the result of consuming too many “liver loaders” (alcohol, trans fats, refined sugars and synthetic substances) and a lack of nutrients to keep up with the load. I have also met countless people who have not consumed much in the way of liver loaders yet have diabolical menstrual cycles/menopausal symptoms or an ongoing challenge with irritable bowel syndrome or constipation, and often exhibit what I consider to be distinct signs that their liver needs support. Passing clots while menstruating is a classic sign of liver congestion, as are many skin conditions, elevated cholesterol, poor sleep, easily bloating or overheating, a short fuse, bad temper and gritty, impatient behaviour.

Thankfully, the liver is a highly resilient organ that responds well to small adjustments. The best way to support your liver is to decrease your intake of liver loaders while increasing your intake of whole real foods, particularly bitter greens which the liver loves. For more, read this article on how to care for your liver.

3. Unspoken Needs

Bottled up or unexpressed emotions and needs can come out as snappy, irritable behaviour. Maybe you feel unappreciated or undervalued for all you do. Perhaps you feel as though you could use more support. Often we expect loved ones to know what our needs are without us having to communicate them. In some circumstances this may be true, yet expressing to those around us what we need is often the only way to ensure they understand what is important to us. Consider whether there is an unmet need within you that is contributing to your irritability and share it with whoever needs to hear it.

4. Too Flexible Boundaries

If you say yes when you really want to say no or just generally aren’t firm enough with your boundaries, it can lead to a resentment that can show up as irritation. Often, we are more irritated with ourselves for not being stronger with our boundaries, yet we project that anger at those around us. You will know in your heart whether you could benefit from strengthening your boundaries. This article may help.

5. Poor Sleep

Nothing tickles our irritation bone quite like fatigue. Sleep is a biological human need and without 7-8 hours of consistent, quality sleep, it will begin to take a toll on our health and energy. If you have been trying to squeeze too much into your day and cutting into your sleep time, or if your sleep is not restorative due to regular wake ups (for reasons other than small children which is something beyond our ability to change) or trouble falling asleep, it may be time to focus on improving your sleep. Start with these supportive sleep hygiene habits.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know I’m a big fan of journaling. It’s something I have personally done since I was a little girl and found immense benefit from. Research indicates that journaling can help free up the brain from worrying thoughts and improve mental health so it’s a great tool for self-reflection and addressing your perception of stress.

Journaling can be as simple as taking shorthand notes of the happenings of your day or it can be an in-depth process of putting your thoughts and feelings on paper. As a private process that no one else will ever see, you can really make it what you like. If you’re not naturally drawn to writing, staring at a blank page can be a daunting prospect. Maybe just the idea of journaling gives you writers block. Or maybe you’re just looking for some new ideas to expand your practice. Regardless, here are three journaling prompts you may like to try.

1. Automatic writing

In her excellent book The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron recommends ‘Morning Pages’ – three pages of longhand stream of consciousness writing as a way to start every morning. Automatic writing is in much the same vein. A great tool for helping you to get into a creative flow state, it frees you from having to think about what to write. The idea is to set a time limit (say 15 minutes) or a number of pages to fill and write without stopping for the duration. You are free to write ungrammatically and illegibly, to be clumsy and cliched, to write absolute rubbish, go completely off topic and repeat or contradict yourself. The only rule is that you must continue writing without any pause for the set time. Simply let the words pour out of you without having to ‘get it right’ or follow any structured format.

2. Gratitude practice

If you know you’re someone who tends to focus on the negative or future goals, gratitude journaling is a wonderful way to remind yourself of all that you have in your life right now to be grateful for. It isn’t possible for our nervous system to feel HERE gratitude and stress at the same time so whenever you are feeling grateful, you cannot be feeling stressed. To foster a deeper sense of gratitude in your life, try writing down one thing a day that you are grateful for. Be as specific as possible and deeply connect to how whatever it is leads you to feel – writing it down without the connection is entirely missing the point. You may like to consider what your life would be like without that person or thing to give your gratitude three dimensions as you consider what you have gained or avoided by having whatever it is in your life.

3. “I’m feeling…”

To help unravel your emotional landscape, you may like to start to jot down how you’re feeling each day and what happened that lead you to feel that way. This is a great way to understand more about your ‘meaning maker’ which is your unconscious interpretation of what happens in your life that helps you make sense of the world and your place in it. All of us have a meaning maker, yet we have a choice about whether it rules the show or not. Journaling your day-to-day feelings gives you an immense insight into your perceptions and reflecting on how your emotional state is affected by external happenstance can help you to recognise where change may be of benefit to your health.

Nobody likes to feel uncomfortable. As humans we have a natural tendency to seek out pleasure and avoid pain. It’s a tendency that sees us living at full speed, rarely stopping or slowing down, consuming substances we know don’t serve us, spending beyond our means, running away, and avoiding difficult conversations or situations. Unless we learn to be okay with discomfort, to sit in our own pain, we will continue to numb out or distract ourselves from it. Over time this can have a significant impact on how we feel about ourselves and our lives.

Discomfort is a signpost. It is sensation that bubbles up from within us trying to tell us that something needs to change. It is often our innate voice trying to guide us and when we ignore it, or do our best to sidestep it, we usually end up causing ourselves more pain along the way. Either because that voice gets louder or because we judge ourselves harshly and feel lousy about the choices we have made.

When we sit in discomfort, we give ourselves time to understand what it we are actually uncomfortable about. Let’s say you have a challenging day at work and you tell yourself that when you get home you’re going to pour yourself a big glass of wine to help you forget about it. Or after an argument with a loved one you polish off a whole packet of biscuits. Or you just feel yucky – you’re not entirely sure why – so you go on a shopping spree. However you choose to avoid discomfort, what you’re really doing is preventing yourself from gleaning insight into what is going on for you – what you know in your heart to be true.

Maybe something needs to change or you need to have a conversation with a loved one that you are worried they won’t enjoy hearing. Maybe you need to reflect on the beliefs that are driving you to behave in ways that you know are harmful to your health. Maybe it’s an invitation to explore your perception of pressure and urgency and the ways in which you’re driving your own stress by adding unnecessary pressure. The more comfortable you get with discomfort, the better you’re going to understand your motivations and impulses and the less you’re going to yoyo between taking great care of yourself and ‘sabotaging’ yourself.

So if you know you are prone to avoidance, take a moment to reflect on whether what you’re doing to avoid discomfort is actually causing you more pain in the long run. You will likely find that it is so. As you start trying to sit with discomfort, remember it can take time and practise to sit with sensations that we don’t like to feel so be patient with yourself. Whether you do or do not engage in avoidant behaviours ever again isn’t important – what is important is working towards doing it less.