Last updated on June 18th, 2019
What are your habits when you feel like you want something? Do you go to the fridge or the pantry and stare blankly in at the contents waiting for inspiration? Or do you jump online and buy yourself a brand-new pair of shoes?
Perhaps you pour yourself a glass of wine – or meditate or journal.
We all have our ways of coping with what’s happening in our lives, some more nourishing than others.
When we feel as though something is missing it’s easy to get ourselves into the habit of looking for it in all the wrong places. We do so much more to avoid pain than we ever do to experience pleasure. And while that habit, whether it’s something sweet or a spontaneous purchase or a glass of wine, might momentarily give us a surge of pleasure, usually it’s replaced with guilt or remorse over “bad decisions”.
The reason we can’t find what we’re looking for in our habitual places is because usually that something is something much, much deeper.
We might be looking for comfort, or love, or to feel better about ourselves because we’ve had a horrific day at work or at home. We might be avoiding the truth that’s lying at the heart of wanting something – that we are always looking for more because we don’t feel like we are enough, just the way we are. Or we are simply avoiding the discomfort of emotional pain.
The next time you find yourself wanting something, try this. Close your eyes and ask – what feeling do I really want? Or, a question that might be more apt for some of you – what feeling am I really avoiding?
It might take asking that question a few times to get to the heart of what is driving your habits but once you have identified it, that awareness is the first building block to changing the behaviour.
With warmth,
Dr Libby x
