Most of us have said some version of this to ourselves:

“I’ve blown it now… I’ll start again on Monday.”“I’ll get back on track after this busy week.”“Tomorrow will be different.”

This is the all-or-nothing mindset talking – a way of thinking that convinces us we’re either being “good” or “bad”, “on track” or “off the wagon”. But here’s the truth I’ve witnessed over decades of clinical work: there is no wagon to fall off. The belief in the wagon is part of what keeps us living with this all-or-nothing approach.

So if there’s no wagon, what is there? There is simply your life. And there are choices. And then more choices after that.

Why all or nothing feels so tempting

All-or-nothing thinking gives the illusion of control and fresh starts. It lets us avoid discomfort by pushing change into the future. It soothes guilt momentarily because we believe a “new beginning” will fix everything. But it also keeps us trapped in cycles. A small deviation becomes an “I’ve ruined it” moment. One skipped walk becomes a week of no movement because of the harsh judgement we pass on ourselves for not going for one walk we’d planned. One rushed meal becomes a string of choices we don’t feel good about. It’s not the choice itself that keeps us stuck – it’s the story we tell ourselves, about ourselves, in response to that choice.

Your body doesn’t work in black or white

Your body isn’t judging you. It’s not keeping a tally. It simply responds to what you do the most often. If someone drinks nine glasses of water today and none for the next week, their hydration doesn’t improve just because they intended it to. Equally, one highly processed meal doesn’t undermine months of nourishment. Your body is influenced by patterns, not perfection.

Theres is no wagon – only the next nourishing (or not) choice. When you stop thinking in absolutes, something shifts. A day that once would have prompted you to “start again tomorrow” becomes a day where you simply make the next supportive decision available to you.

Instead of, “I’ve ruined it – I’ll restart Monday.” Try, “What’s one thing I can do right now to care for myself?” Maybe it’s a glass of water or a walk around the block. Maybe it’s a proper meal with a good serve of veggies. Maybe it’s turning your phone off early and going to bed.

These tiny pivots done consistently are what create real transformation – not sweeping declarations of change.

Grand plans rely on motivation. Small steps rely on momentum. Motivation is unreliable but momentum builds on itself. When you make one small nourishing choice, your body and mind feel different. That difference makes the next choice easier – and so on, until the pattern becomes self-sustaining. This is how health truly changes. Not from perfection but from consistency, compassion and – when needed – course correction.

How to shift out of all or nothing thinking

Here are a few gentle anchors to help:

1. Notice the story
   Catch yourself when your mind says “I’ve blown it”. That thought is the real pattern — not the behaviour.
   
   
2. Interrupt it with truth
   Try: “I can make a supportive choice right now.”
   
   
3. Lower the bar for now
   Pick something small. Small is powerful because it’s readily available and also repeatable.
   
   
4. Remove guilt from the equation
   Guilt steals energy you could use for meaningful change. It too is a pattern.
   
   
5. Remember: there’s no finish line
   Health isn’t something you ‘complete’, it’s something you tend to each and every day.

When you stop oscillating between rigid control and giving up, your relationship with your body softens. Your choices become grounded in care and appreciation, not punishment. You stop starting over because you stop stopping. There is no wagon to fall off. There is only this moment, and the next gentle choice you make.